I regret getting married. There, I said it. I’ve been happily saddled to this man for over seven years, but I still question my decision to actually tie the knot. Confused? Let me explain.
When the hubster and I took the leap out of singlehood and into a lifetime of wedded bliss we were young and we hadn’t been together all that long. Still, we knew we were “it” for each other. Funny how that works! We got engaged after six months of dating and then made things official a few months later after we found out we were pregnant.
Yes, fools rush in and all that, but not a day goes by that I regret my husband. Just the decision to marry him — when I did. We would have gotten married eventually. I know this. The problem is I didn’t get married then for us. I did it for everyone else.
I didn’t want to be visibly pregnant and in a wedding dress; hubby thought insurance and other logistics would be easier once the baby came if all the loose ends were tied up. I’m sure he was right about that. We had friends and family telling us that we “should” be married before the baby came. It was simply the right thing to do. But why was it the right thing to do? It was a lot of pressure, and I caved.
Call it pregnancy hormones, but I dragged out that little black number I bought myself in Rome the year before (mostly because I didn’t know if I’d ever fit into it again, which I didn’t). We had a friend’s mom and local notary do the honors in front of a river near our house. Afterwards my mom took us and some of our friends out to eat at a nice restaurant. It was quick. There was no real fanfare. We were hitched.
After the engagement, we had no engagement party. We looked at two venues for the wedding, and I went out wedding dress shopping once without really finding a contender. Some well-meaning relatives bought us small wedding presents, but since we had both lived on our own before we got together, we ended up with duplicates of things we already had. We hadn’t even had time to think about registering yet.
I felt robbed of the chance to plan our big day. I felt like I had missed out on celebrating the biggest day of my life. I felt as if I had missed out on a really important rite of passage.
Hubby and I talked about having a wedding down the road when we could afford it, but there never seemed to be a time when we could afford it. Now, with our ten year anniversary just a few short years away, we want to spend our money on fixing up the house and traveling with our kids. I’ll never get my day in a white dress.
While some people prefer an intimate affair or a quick union at the courthouse, having a wedding was really important to me and I missed out. There’s no going back, of course, and our plans for the future don’t include spending money on a big party for ourselves. Not having a wedding is, sadly, always going to be a regret for me, but at the end of the day, I know I have something more important — a marriage.