Dear Non-Parents: My Child Is Not Your “Birth Control”

mom and son

Dear all non-parents, I get it. Kids are quite possibly the most obnoxious people on the planet. They piss and puke everywhere, whine and scream. If I’m being perfectly honest with you, I find that there are few children in this world — other than my own — who I truly like. Mine are better dressed than I am. They drain every last bit of energy I have. They make the most simple things in the world — like buying groceries or going to the doctor — stupid complicated.

They are also the best thing that has ever happened to me, so if you call one of my little demons “birth control” again, I may have to shove my foot up your ass.

I totally understand why becoming a parent isn’t in the cards for you; sometimes I think it shouldn’t have been in my deck either. I had lots of dreams that I’m not fulfilling right now. I wanted to travel and have a career, and I’m not able to live those dreams out the way I had originally envisioned with my kids in tow. I’ll get there, though, it’s just going to take me a bit longer.

Some days I want a chance to sleep in until 9am. Some days I want to go to the gym without spending 45 minutes preparing the troops. Some days I wish hubby and I could go on an adventure together somewhere cool without cashing in our life’s savings. It can’t be done right now, but that’s what I signed on for.

Kids are tough, and as much as all the experienced parents tell you it will get easier when they reach stage X, Y, or Z, it doesn’t. New stages and phases in their lives simply bring new challenges. This gig is not for everyone, and that’s ok.

While you don’t want what I have — the stress, the insanity, the depleted bank account — I’ve got to tell you that it’s highly offensive when you refer to my kids as birth control. You certainly have your reasons for not becoming a parent, but my kids aren’t it.

Truth be told, there are many, many times when I’m completely jealous of you, your freedom, your lifestyle. Could my life have been like that if I had made different choices? Maybe. But then I wouldn’t have these amazing little people, and as much as I’m envious of what you have, what I have is better.

There’s a lot about being a parent that’s not fun. There’s a ton of stuff that just straight up sucks. Everything about it, however, is wonderful. I get why you’d rather not have kids, I do, but please understand that the disgusting, whiny mess that you see as parenthood isn’t my reality. It’s so much more than the difficult  moments you see.

I get the daily joys of seeing my kids accomplish new things and grow into strong people. When we do get to travel, the little wins make it worth it, and there’s absolutely nothing as fabulous as seeing the world through my child’s eyes. I get to live every day knowing that tomorrow, there will be something even better. When my kids are grown, I’ll truly get a friend for life. Until they get there, though,  I’ll bask in the unconditional love I receive from them in all the little moments you couldn’t possibly ever see — even if there’s a little puke involved.



  1. Eek, I’m feeling a bit like as a-hole. I’ve often made a joke of “my tubes are tying themselves” and not once did I think of the parent overhearing that and how they would feel if they did….

    Of course, my kids are grown and gone, so I’m not childless, I’m just past the point of having them.

    Great post, some food for thought for sure. Will make sure to rethink my comments around people’s children for SURE!

    This is how I really feel 🙂

  2. Raynee says:

    Amen! People who have no children but seem to know everything about how others should parent are the very same people who will never ever receive the wholesome gift of the innocence in children.
    My boys are grown and we are very, very close but I can honestly say that I miss my youngest screaming at the top of his lungs at a restaurant and throwing his fork at me! Why you ask? That is craziness!! Because, had I known I was raising one of the most amazing men I would ever have the privilege of knowing I would have not rushed his childhood to get over the bumpy, stressful, insane times!
    Besides, now we laugh at his complete non-sense as a child and would give anything to see him so small just one more time. My lil devil is now my big angel!
    Great post, thanks for the trip down memory lane for me:)

  3. Nicole says:

    I always shrug it off. Mine are wild. Crazy wild. It scares people. I just always tell myself that if that isn’t something a person can handle, then I’d rather they realize it seeing my kids then figure it out once they have their own and end up treating that poor kid like an unwanted nuisance. (Not that that always happens, but I’ve seen my fair share.)

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